Open Letter to Israel

Dear Israel,
How’s it going? Probably not so well, huh? Well, let’s hear no more moaning from you. No more, “Oh, but the naughty Palestinians are launching rockets into our lands.  They’re really loud, and we get so startled when they hit!”  I don’t care how startled people are getting, your suffering is not nearly on the level of the Palestinians in Gaza.  Nowhere near that.  Ok?  This is not at all anti-Semitism, it’s just the truth.  So no more whining about the Qassams, please?  See, when a few mosquitos sting you, you don’t get rid of them by blasting away with a machine gun.  You might kill something or someone who isn’t a mosquito, and it’s a terribly inefficient way of killing mosquitos.

Face it, this whole offensive thing is not going to work.  The only way, militarily, you could possibly get rid of Palestinian attacks is if you totally wiped them off the map, like the U.S. did with the Native Americans.  And then everyone in the world would hate you, and the state of Israel would die, since much of your economy is based on foreign trade.

But I’d like to ask a question here, and this is more directed at the high-level chaps and chappesses in the Israeli government: What have you folks been smoking?  For f@&%’s sake, do you even have any sort of strategic goal other than “Kill Hamas”?  How could you have possibly been so stupid as to go into a conflict like this without any real strategic goals?  That has to be the very first rule of warfare: know what the f@&% you want to do before you start doing it.  And your public relations stuff has been s%&#ty as hell.  Okay, it’s not enough to have Twitter and YouTube, you need to have a good message to put on it, or else you’re just wasting server space.

And anyway, let’s face it, people draw their own conclusions.  We goyim out here are not idiots.  When Palestinian dead rise to over a thousand, and there are less than 20 Israeli dead, we can see the disparity.  We can count.

In the end, folks, all this will do is cause the radicalization of a new generation of Palestinians.  Perhaps, when you’re not “accidentally” bombing UN compounds, or claiming they were somehow chock-full of Hamas fighters, you could read this blog post at World Politics Review, about Hamas and the Palestinian will to resist.

The lesson here?  Something that I would have thought Israel, of all people, would have already learned.  You can’t bomb the s%&# out of people and expect them to like you.  It’s very simple.

Oh, and those settlers out in the West Bank?  Put a leash on those stupid motherf@&%ers before they cause another huge uprising in the West Bank.  That would not be cool.  In fact, even if they don’t cause an uprising, you should hold onto them tightly, because they appear to be colossal pricks.  Oh, and pardon my language.  Hope there weren’t any children around (a rule you would be wise to apply to explosive devices).

Stay classy,

Patton

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