Quote of the Day, 1-23-09

“For those of you who are confused as to whether or not you’re a real American, it’s quite simple. Let me see if I can help you out. [pulls out a dry-erase board and writes the following equation] Just multiply your town’s population (P) by the average price of a local cup of coffee (picture of coffee cup), plus its number of art-house movie theaters (house), times the number of streets named after Martin Luther King, Jr. (MLK); then divide by the number of pieces of identification you need to buy Sudafed in your town (pill), times the number of people who wear trucker hats in your town minus the actual number of truckers (trucker hat), multiply that by 1 over the houses of worship—not counting synagogues, of course (cross)—minus the number of bars in your town. That’s supposed to be a bottle. If the answer equals less than 10, congratulations, odds are very good that you’re a real American.” -Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

Quote of the Day, 1-22-09

“On the list of things we have to worry about, same-sex marriage is on page six, after ‘Are we eating too much garlic as a people?'” -Lewis Black, The Daily Show, November 7, 2000

Quote of the Day, 1-21-09

“Sandurz, Sandurz! You got to help me! I don’t know what to do. I can’t make decisions! I’m a president!” -President Skroob (Mel Brooks), Spaceballs

Quote of the Day, 1-7-09

Neighbor: And now for something completely different: a man with three buttocks…

Mum, Dad[from upstairs] We’ve done that!

Neighbor: Oh, all right. All right! A man with nine legs.

Off-Camera Voice: He ran away.

Neighbor: Oh… bloody hell! Er… a Scotsman on a horse!”

-Monty Python’s Flying Circus, Episode 1.02 “Sex and Violence”

The Long Slow Descent of the Republicans

Today in the Department of Stupid Jokes:

A candidate for the Republican National Committee chair [Chip Saltsman] sent out a holiday CD to committee members that includes the song “Barack the Magic Negro,” a parody first aired on Rush Limbaugh’s radio show.

And here’s the heck of it.  Mr. Saltsman may have done a good thing- for his campaign:

Four days after news broke that the former Tennessee GOP chairman had sent a CD including a song titled “Barack the Magic Negro” to the RNC members he is courting, some of those officials are rallying around the embattled Saltsman, with a few questioning whether the national media and his opponents are piling on.

It’s not piling on to question the judgment of someone who would like to head the Republican National Committee when he sends out a borderline-racist bad satire of the president-elect.  If the Republicans wish to become more than just the party of the South (and not all of the South, as Virginia, North Carolina, and Florida would testify), they need to stop pulling these sorts of stunts.  First of all, it’s not funny.  I read the lyrics for that song and it just wasn’t funny.  Second of all, you’re not going to gain more people by reaching to the right.  If anything, the GOP should be reaching out in other directions.  But this is the sort of thing that alienates moderates who want civil discourse, not bad satire.  And finally, let me offer a reason to question Saltsman’s fitness to be chairman of the RNC for a different reason.  He managed Mike Huckabee’s campaign.  As in, a failure.  I admit, Howard Dean became chairman of the DNC after failing and may have paved the way for Barack Obama to sit in the Oval Office come January, but Dean had some new ideas.  He failed because he was ahead of the curve.  The Internet, which Dean almost managed to harness, became Barack Obama’s biggest asset in the election.  Saltsman’s idea of change for the RNC?  Blame “[l]iberal Democrats and their allies in the media” for making a big deal out of his little Christmas gift.  Please join me in a communal eye-rolling at the old Republican excuse.  It’s like “the dog ate my homework,” except dumber.  Particularly because people like NEWT GINGRICH are criticizing him.  Newt Gingrich is many things.  A “[l]iberal Democrat” he is not.  Let this be the end of “Magic-Negro-gate”:  Chip Saltsman is hereby judged to be a tool.  He should be banished to the netherlands of Shame, if the Republicans hope to regain a majority.  While some people might share Rush Limbaugh’s sense of humor, I doubt there are many not on the right.

(H/T Politico, via The Daily Beast)

Get Your Funny On: Triple Your Pleasure, Triple Your Fun Edition

I think everyone needs a good dose of funny from time to time, just to be able to keep perspective on how life doesn’t totally suck, and how it’s not all about serious stuff and the like.  Therefore, I hereby present the every-so-often recurring feature, Get Your Funny On.  Today, we get a visit from a motion-sensing pigeon deterrent:

And a double-sided look back at why this election was such a great one for satire:

John McCain: The Person He Is

Osama or Obama

By the way, sorry about WordPress being anal jerkoffs who won’t let me embed from the Daily Show site. Oh, well.